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boobjesus:

i wanna intimidate you

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sctot:

i heard the funniest time travel joke tomorrow

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vvincestiel:

czarcastic-dog:

nodaybuttodaytodefygravity:

narwhalqueens:

a movie about two asexual aromantic best friends who have a best friend marriage for tax benefits

that does not end with a scene of swelling music and passionate kiss where they realize they really do love each other after all

It ends with a fist bump or something. I’m on board. 

but it should end with the big swell of music that makes people think they’re going for the kiss when really it’s for the fist bump ending

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overlypolitebisexual:

cat people: dogs are cool too
dog people: cats don’t feel love did you know a cat once MURDERED my MOTHER

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susiron:

The worst thing about Tumblr mobile though is you’ll open it up and see something really interesting at the top of your dash

then the app refreshes itself and it’s gone forever.

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stinkyhat:

"well SOME cops are good"

image

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Me in two sentences.

  • Me:I won't get jealous
  • Me:Who's this fucking whore
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seedy:

you know those friends who try to one-up you on everything you say… chill…. all i said was it’s my dad’s birthday…. no need to tell me about that time your dad took you to the bahamas to swim with dolphins while you jet-skied into the sunset

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